Decoding What Isn’t Said (Or At Least Trying To)
JUST LIFE!
You’d think after years of marriage, I’d have a better handle on decoding phrases like “I’m good with anything” or the dreaded “okay.” But here I am, still navigating the fine art of figuring out what’s really being said—and often getting it hilariously wrong. If you’ve ever struggled to read between the lines in a conversation, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about the funny, frustrating, and sometimes rewarding challenge of hearing what isn’t said.
Peter Drucker once said, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Wise words, right? But let me tell you—easier said than done, especially in marriage.
If you’re married or in a long-term relationship, you’ll understand what I’m about to say: figuring out what your partner is truly thinking isn’t just a skill—it’s a survival mechanism.
In my case, the phrases I often need to decode are deceptively simple. There’s the classic “okay,” which can mean anything from “I completely agree with you” to “You’re walking into dangerous territory, and I’m watching to see if you figure it out.” And then there’s the infamous, “I’m good with anything,” which has roughly the same success rate as flipping a coin when it comes to choosing dinner plans.
If I’m honest, my track record for decoding these statements is quite debatable. Sometimes I nail it and feel like a communication ninja. Other times… Well, let’s just say I’m reminded that this is a work in progress.
The Struggle is Real
Here’s a scenario: My wife says, “I’m good with anything” when I ask where she would like to eat. Now, logically, this should mean I can choose freely. But I’ve learned (the hard way) that sometimes “anything” really means, “There’s definitely something I’m craving, but I want you to figure it out without me telling you.”
So, I take a wild guess. “How about pizza?”
She pauses. There it is—the pause that tells me I’ve missed the mark. “Sure, if that’s what you want.”
Now I’m stumped. I’ve already misread the “I’m good with anything,” and now I have to decode “if that’s what you want.” - it’s not what she wants. It’s a trap.
Eventually, after a back-and-forth that feels like solving a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded, we land on Thai food. And while we’re eating, she casually says, “You know, I was kind of in the mood for Thai all along.”
Ah. Of course.
Why Decoding is So Hard
The truth is, this isn’t just about words—it’s about context, tone, body language, and sometimes pure guesswork. People often communicate in layers, and what they don’t say can be more important than what they do. But as much as I want to believe I’m improving at this, I still find myself stumbling more often than I’d like.
Sometimes, I’m too focused on solving the immediate problem (dinner, for example) to pay attention to the subtle cues. Other times, I overthink it, which, as you might guess, also doesn’t go well.
Learning from the Fails
But here’s the thing: while I might not always get it right, every failed attempt teaches me something. Like:
Silence isn’t always an invitation to talk more. Sometimes, it’s a signal to listen better.
“Okay” in a cheerful tone means something entirely different from “okay” with a poker face.
When in doubt, ask: “Are you sure? I feel like you might have a preference.”
These moments—though frustrating in the moment—are part of the process. And when I do get it right, there’s a small, silent victory. Like the time I guessed she wanted shrimps without her saying a word (I’m still riding that high).
Why It’s Worth the Effort
Despite the struggles and occasional comedic failures, trying to “hear what isn’t said” is worth it. It shows you care enough to pay attention, even if you don’t always get it right. And when you make that effort—whether it’s with your spouse, a friend, or even at work—you build a deeper connection over time.
So yes, my success rate might be debatable, but I’m okay with that. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up and trying. And honestly, it gives us something to laugh about later.
Work in Progress
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wow, he’s got this all figured out,” let me stop you right there. I absolutely don’t. Decoding what isn’t said is an ongoing experiment, filled with trial, error, and a healthy dose of humility. But the way I see it, as long as I’m learning—and occasionally guessing right—I’m making progress.
So, to all the partners out there who have mastered the art of silence or the subtle “okay,” know this: We’re trying. We might not always get it right, but we’re listening—both to what’s said and what isn’t.
And to my fellow strugglers: hang in there. We’re all works in progress, and hey, at least we’ll never run out of stories to laugh about.