People Change When They Want To. Not When You Want Them To

We’ve all been there—wanting someone to change.
A partner. A parent. A teammate.

You think, “If they just saw things the way I do…”

But here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way:
👉 People don’t change because you want them to.
👉 They change when they are ready.

At some point in life, we all fall into the same trap.

We think if we just explain better…
If we just argue smarter…
If we just try a little harder…
We’ll change someone’s mind.

Maybe it’s your partner.
Maybe it’s your parents.
Maybe it’s your team.
You want them to think the way you think, do things the way you would, or understand life from your point of view.

And when they don’t—you feel frustrated.
Misunderstood. Maybe even hurt.

I’ve been there.
In close relationships, in leadership roles, and everywhere in between. I’ve poured energy into trying to convince people to change—because I thought I was helping.

But the truth is this: people don’t change because we want them to.
They change when they want to. If at all.

Trying to change someone often backfires.

It strains the relationship.
It creates pressure—on you and on them.
And in most cases, it leads to more resistance, not less.

What I’ve learned is this:

You can’t change people.
But you can change how you respond to them.
And that shift makes all the difference.

You don’t have to approve—but you do have to accept.

Acceptance doesn’t mean agreeing with everything.
It means recognizing where your control ends—and choosing peace over a power struggle.

Instead of saying:
🗯️ “Why aren’t they getting it?”
Try:
💭 “What’s going on with me that I feel this need so strongly?”
💭 “What can I change in myself or my approach right now?”
💭 “Am I helping—or am I holding on?”

Learning the hard way.

I used to want my team to work exactly like I did.
Same standards. Same mindset. Same priorities.

But the truth is—they weren’t me.
And expecting them to be led to frustration, inefficiency, and a lot of rework.

Only when I started meeting people where they were, and building from there, did things start to flow.
That’s when trust grew. That’s when people took ownership.

Because here’s the secret:
Influence begins with acceptance.

Look Ahead

People rarely learn what you want them to learn.
They learn what they are ready to learn.

You can guide. You can inspire. You can lead by example.
But the only person you can truly change—is you.

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